Cold, rainy Saturday

The weather is terrible. And that makes my left shoulder ache deep inside, like a torn rotator cuff kinda. I was recently advised by one of my readers (probably the only one!) to not focus on my illnesses so much, but it's hard when you're in pain all of the damn time. I'm cleaning house today, it's a wreck. I'm going to blame it on Brindy, since she's the only other one here. I've been depressed over money lately, and I'm trying to get past it. I have a problem. I cannot manage my money properly. It's ridiculous, I know, but there it is. When I get some money, it's almost like I'm compelled to spend it! Things are very tight right now, if I hadn't have paid my rent for a year, I'd be on the streets I'm pretty sure. I think maybe I've taken the right first steps to help myself out of this situation, I'm dealing with the VA and fighting an uphill battle with both SSDI and California state child support demons. I can say with 100% honesty that I hope those people, and Maria Dykes along with them, burn in Hell, and suffer forever. She has lied about child support from the start, and now it's really adversely affecting my life. But, I'm not here to talk about dirty lying whores who can't stop having children. Or am I? Well in any case, I really need to put this pizza in the oven and vacuum. Brindy has a rope toy that she shredded into tiny, tiny, strings. Hoping it won't mess up my new HEPA vacuum. I guess there's only one way to find out.... here's hoping we ALL have a great weekend!!

Obliterate every tiny bit of pride/manhood that i managed to cling on to.

I finally got a hold of a couple of dollars, which is great b/c Brindy needed food. So, being the frugal indigent burden on society that I am, I google searched for the cheapest price for the really great dog food that I used to buy her when I counted. Petco, google says. the one closest to the house, too. So I proceed up there, walk over to the dog food, and it's on sale! I mmove to grab the 30 lb bag, but then freeze, and look around, hoping no one saw me. I walk with a cane now. My back is in constant, excruciating pain. No way under Heaven or Earth I can throw it on my shoulder like I used to. So I go get a cart, and ask the petite little girl working there if I can get some help with a bag of dog food. She says sure, someone will meet me there. Don't you know, it was all 95 lbs of her. She picked it up like it was a down pillow and tossed it easily in the basket. After I paid, she repeated the act into the back of the Toyota. I was so effin embarrassed, and ashamed that this child can perform feats that I could do all damn day long not so long ago. Yeah, good luck getting a job, sissy. Can't lift ten lbs? Sorry, we're not hiring pussies today.